Four minutes until I can fart!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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