BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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