Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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