I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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