apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
