You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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