You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
