I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
