I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
