My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
