What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
