I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
