I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
