I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
