I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
