weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
