dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
