YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Apparently you make a good broom.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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