I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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