And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
