so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
