shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
