I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
