bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
