They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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