you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
