It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
