im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
