Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
