Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
zippers are such a cool invention
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
And then he peed in my hair
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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