I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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