Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
