Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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