how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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