my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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