I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
