boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
