i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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