Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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