I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
