i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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