Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
