Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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