So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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