if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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