Whod you bang
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
