So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
