Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
