let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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