my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
