i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
