I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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