nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
