goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
