So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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