I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
