what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i dont even know how to be here
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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