Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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