Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
vagina is talking i cant
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
