How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
