**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize