i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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