My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
