hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
