My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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