i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
